The Girl on Fire Drenched in Tears
by Caketin3336
Summary: Post Hunger Games, pre Catching Fire. Peeta finds Katniss crying, and he explains how he feels about her and tries to rekindle their friendship. Oneshot


Peeta's POV

I can hear the sobs from the end of the street. Carrying the ingredients for my mother's bread, I walk towards her. I drop the items at my feet when I get to the base of the single tree stood in her front garden, and start to climb. And there she is sat on a thick knobbly branch half way up the tree. My breath hitches, once again, as if I've never seen her before, the same way it does every time I see her. The single most beautiful creation that I have ever seen. Katniss Everdeen.

I pull myself up and sit beside her. Our shoulders are almost touching, mere centimeters apart. This is the closest I have been to her since we got off the train when we arrived home after the hunger games. And despite the pain she has caused me, and despite the deceit, my love for her never faltered, never disappeared. But I am still angry with her, and so hurt by her pretending, that I barely said a word to her, only when it was necessary.

Her long dark hair falls in waves down her back, unusually not in its trademark plait she always wears. Her hair frames her olive toned face perfectly. I pluck a loose strand falling limply on her face, and place it behind her ear, where it belongs. Her cheeks are red and puffy, her eyes filled with tears. My thumb wipes away all of the tears on her face, and she smiles sadly.

'I've missed you Peeta,' she says to me.

I can feel my heart squeeze at the sound of her voice. The voice I have so desperately longed to hear.

'I've missed you too Katniss.' Like you wouldn't believe.

She turns her head and looks at me. Her grey eyes sparkle as the tears still pool up in them. 'I'm sorry,' she murmurs.

My whole body reacts to her. I can feel the warmth radiating off of her and her voice sends shivers down my spine. Whenever I look into her face, butterflies in my stomach do summersaults and my heart squeezes.

I so desperately want to forgive her in an instant, to take her into my arms and kiss her like I would have done in the arena. But I can't. The pain is still etched in my skin, into my being. I can still remember how that massive blow felt when she told me her love wasn't real. When my love was the most real thing in the world.

All I can say is; 'I know.' Of course I knew she didn't mean to hurt me, that she was just trying to keep us alive. But it still hurt.

'I didn't want things to turn out this way. I just wanted us to get out alive. But Peeta, you mean so much to me. It's torture not being able to talk to you, to be near you.'

'I know.'

She pauses then continues with, 'I just don't know how I feel about you. But I know the thought of loosing you breaks me apart. I just don't have time to think about my feelings, with looking after mother and Prim, making sure Haymitch is okay, the ever looming 75th hunger games, which I may have to be a mentor for, and looking after Gale and his family too.'

Gale. I hated him. I always did because he was so close to the girl of my dreams, when I couldn't even talk to her. And I know that somewhere deep down in Katniss, she likes him. What makes things worse is I know that she likes me too. But she doesn't know who to choose. Doesn't know that she has to choose. She doesn't want to choose between us.

'I know.'

'Peeta, say something. Please. I hate seeing you so cold. So empty.'

I sigh as I try to make sense of the babble in my head and turn it into words. 'I miss you too. I really miss you. My whole body aches, wanting to be near you. I need to be near you. My eyes automatically follow you wherever you go. You're always in my mind and wherever you go, I follow, but from a distance. I hear you screaming at night from the nightmares, even three houses down, because my ears are trained to hearing you. And all I want to do is run to you, join you in your bed, and reassure you that everything's all right until you go back to sleep. I swear my love for you only strengthens as time goes by, despite the pain you have caused me. I love you Katniss, I love you with my entire being. But I know you don't feel the same things as me. But you know what the worst thing is, the thing that angers me so much; you do love me. You just don't know it yet.'

'Peeta, I...'

'No, wait, listen. I know that this isn't the time. We've both got so many things to think about. There is no happily ever after for the both of us, because our future has been tainted by the stain the games created. It's changed us in so many ways, and it will mean that we will have nightmares and fears others have only seen from other victors. Just like Haymitch. And I know you never want to marry, never want to have children, for all the right reasons. And right now, I don't want that either. All I want you to do is admit that somewhere deep inside of you, you have feelings for me.'

I lift my head up to look at her. I can tell she is deep in thought. I sit anxiously, nervously playing with my fingers as I wait for her answer. Eventually she sighs. 'Peeta, I just don't know anymore. Ever since the day of the reaping, I've changed. Maybe if we met some other way, things could be different.'

'But?' I say, anticipating the massive blow that I know she's going to say.

'But things aren't different. I've changed since the games. I've had to change. I had no choice and now that I'm home, all I want is things to go back to the way they were. But I know that will never happen. Oh Peeta, I just don't know who I am anymore.' And next thing I know, she's exploded into more tears, shaking her whole body. I stand her up on her feet and start to guide her down the trunk of the tree down to the base. Somehow, she manages to get there, despite the tears falling down her face. I sit down cradling her, rocking back and forth whispering things into her hair. My hands caress her hair as she cries into my chest. Eventually her sobs begin to fade and soon they're just hiccups.

We sit in silence for a while, my hands continuing to run through her long perfect hair. Then she turns to look at me and says, 'You're right Peeta. I do love you. I know I do. I just don't know if it's enough.'

'I love you too Katniss, with my whole heart. And I understand. I just needed you to say it, to know it. But you don't have to worry about me. We can just be friends, like you want it to be. And soon, everything will go back to normal. Okay?' She nods. Then, gently she puts her hands on my jawline and guides her lips to match mine. And just like every other kiss she has given to me in the arena, my insides feel like they're going to explode with joy. I have a weird sensation of wanting to laugh, but my lips are already occupied. And there's one thing that makes this one little kiss different, I know it's genuine, and that Katniss is feeling some of what I feel too.

Things were finally settled between us. We were friends and we both knew where we stood. I was just happy to have Katniss again, even if it isn't that sort of relationship I want with her. At least she knows. And right then, I thought that maybe, everything could be okay again in the future, with only the nightmares to deal with. Well, that's what I thought until that awful day when Gale got beaten in the square.


End file.
